Abandoned by wolves. Raised by humans. Kind of an asshole.
18,057 Tweets 4,051 Followers 1,325 Followings 29,534 Likes
Oh my god! It's Charlie Brown. Peanut Butter is made out of Charlie Brown. They're making our Reese's Pieces out o… https://t.co/tG3dGtgXPr
[in an alternate reality where men are sold like used cars] used man salesperson: "...and here we have the Eric.… https://t.co/0SblQ9tuWG
63-year-old Bob puts $7.25 on the ground, and stands on it. All the while, Bob clearly has a medically-induced bo… https://t.co/iDyysu8kHN
Make one small joke about sex with an animal and they mute you forever
Remember, it doesn't have to be the "perfect" muder, just an unsolvable one. ~me as a motivational speaker
If I were a guy, I'd be too lazy to masturbate. I just got tired shaking up my hair dye.
Rigor mortis is Latin. It means zombie boner.
Watching my TC eat the toilet paper after I wiped my ass with it. #MyWeirdSecretFetish